Reality

" We met and we talked. It was so epic, but then the sun came up and the reality set in."

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If I lose myself

To be frank to me, myself and I.
I have been losing myself for quite a while.
Not losing completely, but a great part of myself.
This just isn't me. 
I might not realize that before. But now I am more than sure about that.
And here I am now, frantically admit that.
So the next question, how do I ever find myself?

February

The Notebook
a movie that I have heard of more than a thousand times.
Either from a book, blogs, movies, or dramas.

I am finallly going to watch it!
Can't wait.

I love stories about love, I love to see how lovers work their way to make evething works.
That's love.
You want the love between you to work out. You want it to last.
And no matter what happens in the way, you get through it together.
And then you bond stronger than ever.

I love beautiful love stories. I want my own love story.
A beautiful, magically and unbreakable one.
It's February, the month of love.
Valentine's Day falls in this month.
I wish all of us an awesome month and a happily ever after love.

Broken

I cried as hard as I could,

I almost cried out mt heart, all I wanted was crying out the pain I felt.

After crying, the tears seems to be have run out.

Everything seemed becoming better,

but that better lasted for only a few minutes.

Then the pain came again.

I could feel it all over my body.

My heart into pieces,

The pain stuck beneath the pieces.

No where to go.

I don't understand why.

How many heartbreaks that God wants me to feel.

I don't understand why,  if it's not meant to be, then why want me to go through?

I don't understand why, why can't relationships be true, couples be loyal. 

Energy

“I sincerely believe that energy grows from itself and the more energy you expand the more you create within yourself. I also believe that energy is habit — which can be created quite easily. In other words, use your energy and more energy flows and then it is very hard to stop it — as if one would ever want to!” (Diana Vreeland)

This quote I read from Galadarling inspires me so much that I can't wait to share it here.
It's undeniably that I have been putting aside the things that I love to do.
"Energetic" is no longer a word that describes me.
"What happened to you? you used to be so energetic and active!" they said.

My passions, the things that make me happy, the things that I love to do.
Where are they? Why did I leave them behind?!!

Ohhh I feel extremely guilty now.
I don't want to have any regrets in the future.
Regrets hurt. Regrets impedes growing and moving on.
I don't want to feel bad when I am older and wiser.

Well, we learned from thermodynamics principle of conservation of energy.
I think Diana Vreeland is right about this one even when it applies in human.

"... the more energy you expand the more you create within yourself."

I think this can totally relate...  =)

We all want to be happy. I want to be happy.
I wish all of the people I care live happily everyday in life.

Grateful Friday

I have been reading a great blog Gala Darling for a few years, since I found this beautifully written blog during my final year of my Bachelor's Degree.

Gala writes a blog about things that she is grateful for every week.
Gratitude is a beautiful attitude and for me, is a beauty of humanity.

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” (Brian Tracy)

Last Saturday, after quite a long time that I had not been to my home, I went home. My home, a place that I grew up. A very simply-built shop with bedrooms and living room behind a tyre shop. A house built by my father and my uncle themselves, brick by brick, wood by wood. This house is the place all of us sleep, eat and study. A place that every visitor, especially my own relatives, my uncle's family, every one of them wonder:" How could they stay in this house, study and get straight A's in all the national exams?"

The minute I stepped home, my father was there, having lunch by the dining table. He was amazed by my appearance. It was clearly my mom didn't inform him that I would be back. I actually liked that look. He was amazed but happy. I have always prayed for my family. I couldn't risk losing them, all of them. I know sometimes I was being ignorant, being occupied by my own routines, but I am really thankful to both my parents, especially my mother. I am truly blessed for having them in my life. I pray for their safety, health and happiness everyday in their lives. I am grateful for having them. Thinking of them, the tears are always going to run down my cheek. trust me, I have tried to control, but the emotions are overload.

Somehow, the biggest festival of all, the Chinese New Year is only next week. Part of me doesn't want it to come so soon, because the sooner it comes, the sooner it goes. And the coming of Chinese New Year marks another year older of my parents. Of my self too for sure. Anyway, time still passes and there's no way we can stop it. We can only appreciate every moment. I hope this year, each of us, my family is going to have full load of joy, laughters, happiness and above all, have a healthy, safe and prosperous new year.

Secondly, I am grateful to have the presence of another person, ❤ Mudher ❤ in my life. I have never offically talked about him here, or to my friends. I love him, I really love him very much. I know things between us are complicated. He is in Iraq now. And yeah, we are not only different by nationality, we are different in religion and age. Being thousand miles apart. I just want him to know, that I love him so much and I will always love him, everyday and every moment in my life. We are already being more than 7 months apart. The love for him never get any less, but it only gets more. I'm truly grateful for having him. I'm looking forward for our future together. I know it's not going to get any easier, but we will get through everything together. Thank God for the love and fate between us. He is a blessing (blushed). ❤
 

I wish all of the people I know, my beloved friends and family, a blessed and prosperous New Year full of joy, happiness and fun. Most importantly, Have a safe journey home and be safe on the road.
A little reminder to myself too, don't overspend on shopping =P
Have fun, everyone.

Write again soon.

Being so sick

It's a big relief when the final exam of the semester 1, session 2013/2014 has finally waved goodbye.
Just a day after the last paper, I was having a 3-day-long high fever.
A very rare sickness for me, as humble as I must to admit, I rarely fall sick.
The last time I was fever was almost 11 months ago. (Thankful)

I was having cough and cold during the exam week, and I didn't have the guts to consume the coughing syrup ,
for it could cause drowsiness, I didn't want to sleep through the study hours.
So the night after the exam, I courageously drink a full 15ml of the coughing syrup and fell alseep of the drowsiness.

When i woke up next morning, I didn't feel well, the cough got worse than the night before, and the temperature in my body was higher than usual,
I could feel the heat on my forehead, and through my exhalation.
But I ignore it, drove to Bangsar Village for a dental clinic visit, and have a hang-out-lunch with my friend, Jeannie.

I drove home with my eyes forcefully opened, and with the air-conditioning in my car switching on and off.
I was thankful I reached home safely, and then I had the medicines I got from pharmacy and went to bed.

My friend, Naeemah, an Iraqi woman, with 2 daughters came to see me. She didn't want to leave until she persuaded me to her house, for watching the fever on me, she said that I could be dead in my own room if the fever worsen during midnight.

So I was suffered with the fever for more than 24 hours, no better condition observed.
They sent me to a nearby clinic and then the doctor gave me some medicines.
The temperature went down after another 24 hours. I was going to do the blood test for dengue before I was slightly better.

Wowww... I realized how vulnerable I could be. I was so unbelievable of my own body. I could never imagine I would get sick, and it was a total no fun. During critical time, I was asleep most of the time, feeling the uncomfortably-coldness, coughed till it was so had to gasp for air, the uncontrollable warm tears down the cheek, and the unswallowable appetite. Ahhhhh... Gross...

I am thankful anyway, for nothing got worse than that, and for having such caring friend, Cellyn who kept texting me to check on me, for having a kind-hearted Iraqi friend, Naeemah for taking care and keeping an eye on me.

Write again soon.

Being healthy is a blessing