Grateful Friday

I have been reading a great blog Gala Darling for a few years, since I found this beautifully written blog during my final year of my Bachelor's Degree.

Gala writes a blog about things that she is grateful for every week.
Gratitude is a beautiful attitude and for me, is a beauty of humanity.

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” (Brian Tracy)

Last Saturday, after quite a long time that I had not been to my home, I went home. My home, a place that I grew up. A very simply-built shop with bedrooms and living room behind a tyre shop. A house built by my father and my uncle themselves, brick by brick, wood by wood. This house is the place all of us sleep, eat and study. A place that every visitor, especially my own relatives, my uncle's family, every one of them wonder:" How could they stay in this house, study and get straight A's in all the national exams?"

The minute I stepped home, my father was there, having lunch by the dining table. He was amazed by my appearance. It was clearly my mom didn't inform him that I would be back. I actually liked that look. He was amazed but happy. I have always prayed for my family. I couldn't risk losing them, all of them. I know sometimes I was being ignorant, being occupied by my own routines, but I am really thankful to both my parents, especially my mother. I am truly blessed for having them in my life. I pray for their safety, health and happiness everyday in their lives. I am grateful for having them. Thinking of them, the tears are always going to run down my cheek. trust me, I have tried to control, but the emotions are overload.

Somehow, the biggest festival of all, the Chinese New Year is only next week. Part of me doesn't want it to come so soon, because the sooner it comes, the sooner it goes. And the coming of Chinese New Year marks another year older of my parents. Of my self too for sure. Anyway, time still passes and there's no way we can stop it. We can only appreciate every moment. I hope this year, each of us, my family is going to have full load of joy, laughters, happiness and above all, have a healthy, safe and prosperous new year.

Secondly, I am grateful to have the presence of another person, ❤ Mudher ❤ in my life. I have never offically talked about him here, or to my friends. I love him, I really love him very much. I know things between us are complicated. He is in Iraq now. And yeah, we are not only different by nationality, we are different in religion and age. Being thousand miles apart. I just want him to know, that I love him so much and I will always love him, everyday and every moment in my life. We are already being more than 7 months apart. The love for him never get any less, but it only gets more. I'm truly grateful for having him. I'm looking forward for our future together. I know it's not going to get any easier, but we will get through everything together. Thank God for the love and fate between us. He is a blessing (blushed). ❤
 

I wish all of the people I know, my beloved friends and family, a blessed and prosperous New Year full of joy, happiness and fun. Most importantly, Have a safe journey home and be safe on the road.
A little reminder to myself too, don't overspend on shopping =P
Have fun, everyone.

Write again soon.

Being so sick

It's a big relief when the final exam of the semester 1, session 2013/2014 has finally waved goodbye.
Just a day after the last paper, I was having a 3-day-long high fever.
A very rare sickness for me, as humble as I must to admit, I rarely fall sick.
The last time I was fever was almost 11 months ago. (Thankful)

I was having cough and cold during the exam week, and I didn't have the guts to consume the coughing syrup ,
for it could cause drowsiness, I didn't want to sleep through the study hours.
So the night after the exam, I courageously drink a full 15ml of the coughing syrup and fell alseep of the drowsiness.

When i woke up next morning, I didn't feel well, the cough got worse than the night before, and the temperature in my body was higher than usual,
I could feel the heat on my forehead, and through my exhalation.
But I ignore it, drove to Bangsar Village for a dental clinic visit, and have a hang-out-lunch with my friend, Jeannie.

I drove home with my eyes forcefully opened, and with the air-conditioning in my car switching on and off.
I was thankful I reached home safely, and then I had the medicines I got from pharmacy and went to bed.

My friend, Naeemah, an Iraqi woman, with 2 daughters came to see me. She didn't want to leave until she persuaded me to her house, for watching the fever on me, she said that I could be dead in my own room if the fever worsen during midnight.

So I was suffered with the fever for more than 24 hours, no better condition observed.
They sent me to a nearby clinic and then the doctor gave me some medicines.
The temperature went down after another 24 hours. I was going to do the blood test for dengue before I was slightly better.

Wowww... I realized how vulnerable I could be. I was so unbelievable of my own body. I could never imagine I would get sick, and it was a total no fun. During critical time, I was asleep most of the time, feeling the uncomfortably-coldness, coughed till it was so had to gasp for air, the uncontrollable warm tears down the cheek, and the unswallowable appetite. Ahhhhh... Gross...

I am thankful anyway, for nothing got worse than that, and for having such caring friend, Cellyn who kept texting me to check on me, for having a kind-hearted Iraqi friend, Naeemah for taking care and keeping an eye on me.

Write again soon.

Being healthy is a blessing

2014 - The first Journal of Year 2014

With the ceaseless and continuous development and enhancement of the social medias,
people seems starting to neglect blogging.
Well, as much as I hate to admit, I am one of these people.

With the changes in my life, from an undergraduate to a working-adult, to a postgraduate,
the surrounding, friends and relationship, and all the changes happened recently has been keeping me really busy.

And in the blink of eye, here it is... - The Year 2014.
Wow it's unbelievable! Time does fly, really rapidly.

Well, I'm facing real difficulty in typing out this blog. I am stuck in the middle of typing so many times just to think how to continue the sentence in a proper language and also how to express what I'm thinking in the moment. Perhaps it's because of I had not been writing for a long time.
I miss the way I used to sit alone, not being distracted by anything around, just concentrate in the way of expressing my feelings and my thoughts here.

Last year, in full review, I found myself got lost in so many ways.
I lost myself, I was so out of the base of being myself.

I have done with my final exams last week. Well, not all the papers were great.
They were so hard and the timetable of the subjects was so close to eah other.
I wasn't prepared, and I didn't study sufficiently.
Ahhh it's all my fault. I wish I could turn back the time. Well, I couldn't.

2014, it's not regret time, there's no time to be regret, to feel sorry forwhat I had done, not the time to keep holding back the old memories and feel bad about myself. It's not the time for all these. Just not.
I need to let go, at least I must learn to let go.

Let go of all the mistakes, let go of the things that I know I can't change, let go of the sadness.
I must start new!
Here's to scond chances.
A new year, New year, fresh start, New life, Better person.

December 2013

Ohhh, my blog,
I can't be sorry enough for abandoning you for so long time.

I've changed.
I don't know what people think of me now.
But mostly, the comments are,
"Jye, why are you becoming such an Emo person?"
" What are all those quotes, statuses about?"

Honestly, I figured about that some time ago.
I don't know what has gone wrong. I don't know which part have I done wrongly.
I have no idea.
All I could think is" Is this a part of growing up?"
" Can I survive this?"
"Will I get through this emo part?"
" Does being in love make me into this?"

I spot the difference when sometime I reviewed my past stautuses in facebook, (thanks to that timeline thing)
and when i reviewed the old photos.
Ohh yes, I used to be so happy, that smile..I've lost it.

Now I'm trying to find my happiness again.
I know I'll be happy again.

Now that final's around the corner. 
My focus now is to nail all these subjects and do well in final.
I know they all say, things will always be better.
I really hope so. Now it's almost the end of 2013. 
Time to make a New year Resolutions.

Have Faith <3

Write again soon. =)
I'll not abandon you again, my dearly blog.
Thanks for being here. Thanks for everyone who cares about me.
=)

Tear-inducing Matters

I am a born baby girl who cries so easily...
Well, I just am the one.

I don't know the reasons, but I do always wish I could be stronger.
I cry over a lot of reasons, some are weird resons.

❤   I cry when I think about my Mom. Missing her and thinking abut what is she doing now.

   My mom was diagnosed for having kidney failure last October. She was unbelievable and so depressed by the fact. She cried everyday, thinking she could not survive this. She is the strongest woman I have ever met in my life. Now that she got through the hardest time, she goes back to the busy business woman life. Everytime I think about what she is doing, my eyes get teary, my nose gets sour, and chill in my lungs. I really miss her now. She said she might be visiting me yeaterday, but she could not make it eventually. My world gets darker for the moment.

❤   I cry when the car gets hurt a little. I cry when it requires expensive car repair.

❤   I cry when I watch a sad movie. Lovers fall apart, death of someone, sad love story, and many many other scenes.

❤   I cry when someone I love break my heart, jealousy of the one I love, change of people attitude towards me, fighting with somone I love.

❤   I cry when I feel terribly sympathy to animals, people, beggars, the homeless, sad news, earthquake, natural disasters, wars and so on.

❤   I cry when I've got miserable. Whole bunch of assignments, tough subjects, hard examinations, got bullied, and when everything goes wrong.

______________________________________________________________

So I think I have listed enough... I think I have a natural born heart made of glass. It is so fragile and vulnerable.

I want to be strong! Sometimes, when I feel like I couldn't help but crying, I read some inspirational quotes or videos to make me feel better and stand up. I think about what I have done and what I've gone through, convincing myself that this is nothing compare to what I have gone through. And there's a voice that telling myself not to cry although it still hurts. 

The voice is what makes me strong and help me through.

I could never afford to lose this voice inside of me. _____

Old Girlfriends

I don't know and I am not sure what has happened to me these few days.
I feel so exhausted and I look like wilthered.
not as blossom as I was before.

It's the results of staying up for several nights preparing for a mid-sem test.
And it turned out that I did not so well in the test.

Arghh.... Sigh...
I need to stop thinking about it and focus to the present and future.

Last night, I had a hanging out dinner with Sabrina and Wan Ting.
They are my old friends.
We realized that we have been knowing each other for 7 years.
Things were so crazy when we became friends.

Hanging out in Safari, the one and only club in Genting, flirting with guys,
learning street shuffle, and so on. and yeah..
No doubt I was so good in Suffling.
We could laugh until we drop on our way because 
someone was making a terrible joke.
That would be Dylan. He could make an ordinary scene into a bombing joke!!!!!
Seriously, it was such fun being around him.
We could laugh all day!

Another event that was unforgetable was,_________________________

the day when Dylan and Sabrina were stopping me from seeing a guy,____

who was about to break up with me._____________________________

I know it was so silly. But I could never forget the moment.____________

Not the moment with the guy.__________________________________

But moment with them._______________________________________

Dylan was doing and saying all he could to stop me from going up.______

And I remember that look he had when I said I had to go up.__________

and later I realized that Dylan had been waiting for me _______________

all the time when I was up, talking with the stupid guy._______________

Oh my God, what had I done!

and I just cried. He brought me to see Sabrina and we went to this Koraoke Capsules.

and he sang "分手快乐“ for me.

I didn't sing that day. I was crying until the next morning.

Anyway, now Dylan is a thousand miles away from us, and for years.
Some of us has changed.
Good or bad ways, they have.
 People change, poeple growing up their own ways.
There's nothing to be bothered of.

I am grateful that we got this far.
And it's amazing how we got this far, what we have gone through, what we have seen.

Making fun

Hmm okay.. Write again =)

Life

Time flies...
As much as I am living every second of it, time still slips without realization.

It's the middle of the semester.
One mid sem test has passed, and I think I just did terribly on it.
Now, nothing I could do more other than praying and hoping.

A year ago, things were so different.
Different place, differant people around.
Now I still have to stay up studying, but the feeling is so different.

In kolej, when you were staying up, you looked out the window from the books,
you saw people's lights on, people burrying their heads on their books.
In the study rooms, you saw familiar faces, you discussed your problems with close coursemates.
Your friends told you which part you should be concentrate.

All those moments only has become the things that I cherished.
Yeah, we always hear that they say, "look forward."

that's what i am doing, and I hope everyday is wonderful for me.

 ________________________________________________________

Falling in Love

Falling in love

This phrase is so common that I believe everyone has been there.
but how is the ending, is it happy or sad or painful.
It varies.

So I have not got my happy ending.
For me, in love with someone is always killing me.
It takes me a lot of strengths and courage.

It consumes time and eats up energy.
I hope things will turn out to be wonderful and in the best shape =) =)

_____________________________________________________________